I do have something better to do (like run), but I'm trying to think of a way out of it

I got to talking with my friend's fiancé, Dave -- the crazy-runner-man -- over this past weekend, and he suggested that I should go out today and jog very slowly for 6 miles, since the race I'm running this weekend is twice the farthest distance I've ever run. Makes sense. Then he said, "or just do 5," when he saw the look on my face. I was supposed to do 6 miles on Sunday, but Sunday was really crappy, the whole weekend was stressful, and I did a lousy 2 miles on the treadmill instead. And I felt like crap afterward. The whole thing just sucked. Did I already blog about that? I can't remember.

I'm procrastinating right now, if you couldn't tell. I'm not really feeling the whole distance running thing. At least not today. Probably because of that whole perfectionist thing, remember? Let's blame it on that. Since I don't know that I can finish 6 miles, I don't even want to try. Not by myself. Because I really don't want to get to 4 or 5 miles and be stuck having to walk back, because I can't carry the Run-O-Cam AND a phone AND a key to get into my car to get my badge to get back into the building where my husband will be waiting to go home. And dude, it's chilly. Ohhhhh. I'd go twice around the neighborhood, but I feel weird running around there alone because I get the feeling people are looking at me like, Yo -- why are you running when the rest of us normal people are eating dinner and watching the evening news? Okay, getting up, publishing, changing clothes, going out, running slow but far.

Right now.

Really.

A poor excuse, some normal anxiety, and a potentially debilitating neurosis

I told myself I'd take the Run-O-Cam out this past weekend and bring back something wonderful to show you. Alas, I confess, I haven't been out running because IT'S COLD AND RAINY. I don't know if cold and rainy can still qualify as an excuse for a hardcore aspiring amateur marathoner -- but dude! It's cold and rainy.

Rest assured, I am still cutting it up on the treadmill at the gym (at least *twice* a week...), and as an added bonus, I haven't been tearing up my shins! There's still a little soreness, but nothing I can't run through and wash away with a bit of adrenaline.

And so I'm running a 10K in a little less than two weeks. On one hand, I'm having tiny-esque attacks of anxiety every time I think about how I have no idea whether I am yet physically capable of completing such a distance in a reasonable amount of time. And on the other, I remind myself that I always freak out and end up doing just fine. Not perfect -- which inevitably kills me a little, because I think we all know that I am a neurotic perfectionist, and I have a hard time getting out there at all if I know I probably can't meet my exceptionally high standards -- but I always finish and that's good enough, right? I am learning.

Note to self

ME: Your only two stars so far this week are for resting.

ME: SO?

ME: It's a little pitiful, Sarah. Do you really deserve stars for resting?

ME: Yes! Resting is a crucial part of any physical training program.

ME: So is physical training.

ME: ...

ME: ...

ME: ... So is resting.

ME: *sigh*